His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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