This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
