New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Randomize
