Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
