Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
