Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
