You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
