I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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