so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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