Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
