Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
