i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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