I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
