Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize