I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
