I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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