the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
my poor anus
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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