do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
