why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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