he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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