I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
