His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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