I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
