Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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