This is not my ceiling
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
