Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
