woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
