woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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