I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
