Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't put those talents on a resume
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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