I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a search helicopter?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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