If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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