So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
