the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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