On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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