xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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