He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
