I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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