I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
