So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
