There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
