I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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