Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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