There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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