you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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