OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
