I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
