If i come over, it means nothing
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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