garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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