last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
