Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
