after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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