no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
