i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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