i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
