how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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