Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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