How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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