am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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