oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
