My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
