My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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