Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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