The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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