I accidentally had phone sex last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
