The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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